Settlers, Amalekites, Minimum

Yesterday
Chinese New Year festivities continued throughout the night into the morning, and throughout the day once more. Mostly that meant a lot of fireworks all day and night.

We had Andrey and Jacky & Alicia, and Micah over for pizza and Settlers. We moved up to Cities and Knights. It took a while to read all the rules, set up the board, and remove all the extra parts from the expansion pack. We had a great time, everyone enjoyed it. Again I had to restrict my passion to win, but in the end I did win, but it was a very close game and really anyone could have pulled out ahead.

The Daily Bible - Exodus 15-18
Journey to Sinai, quail and manna sent, water provided from rock, Amalekites destroyed when Moses hands are kept raised, judges appointed.

Boundaries in Marriage - It Takes Two to Make One
Areas of Completeness That Marriage Cannot Provide
They tell a story of a couple that married to become mature. This is impossible. Each one must grow up. Becoming mature is a process that cannot be married into or fast tracked, but takes time and requires thought. There is a great list on page 91 of abilities that cannot be "borrowed" from each other, but must come from maturing processes. And after the basic minimum of development in each area, then the two complete individuals will become one complementing couple.

Prayer
Lord allow us to always be thankful, remind us to thank you for everything whether great or small. Give us hearts of constant thankfulness and lead us to increasing maturity.

Happy Chinese New Year

Yesterday
We went for worship in the morning. Returned some dieing plants to the flower market, then went to the Silk Market to buy Jaime a ski suit. We got pants, jacket, and 2 pair of mittens (for her and me) for 320RMB ($47 USD). Then I ran back to the flower market to purchase replacement plants we had already selected. Two plants that thrive in water and have goldfish swimming in the water and a grouping of colorful cacti - red, yellow, and stripped white and green.

We then went to Gary & Danita's for the Chinese New Year's Eve meal and party. Jacky & Alicia, and Micah, as well as Felix & Laura were there... and later Ma Xueting arrived. We stayed until 1:30am.

The Chinese love fireworks! They started lighting them off a a week ago, building up to midnight last night. There were fireworks in every direction as far as the eye could see. It was amazing. I would love to have a plane that could fly high above China and see all the fireworks going off throughout this country (and probably Asia). This was better than any 4th of July in the States... not that they had choreography or any plan for the fireworks, but that there were so many! And yes, they are still going this morning. There have already been workers out sweeping up the remains of last night, but they are already making more debris!

The Daily Bible - Exodus 13-15
The Israelites cross the Red Sea. Moses and all the Israelites sing about the people of Philistia fearing the Israelites and allowing them to pass by to go to the mountain and worship.

Boundaries in Marriage - Part Two: Building Boundaries in Marriage: Ch. 4 It Takes Two to Make One
The movies have it right... Oneness is the ideal, the dream, and God's design from Genesis to Revelation. God desires that two whole people become one strong couple.

"Twoness"
Marriage is an adult contract requiring to complete adults to enter it.

Completing Versus Complementing Each Other
Completing is finding someone to take care of you, like a mother or a meal ticket. Completing is bad, in that the people getting married are likely to be looking for someone to make up for what they lack in being an adult. This creates dependence, not freedom.

Complementing is a blessing and is natural. Both will have all essential adulthood functionalities, but may lack some ability or personality traits. One is good at business and the other is the extrovert. One is good at finding opportunities, the other is good at understanding the opportunities' strengths and weaknesses.

Prayer
Lord, help me to be a complete person in you. Help me to continue to mature throughout my life. Show me the path of righteousness and enable me to walk on it.

Flood, Passover, Control

Yesterday
Relaxing. That is mostly what I did yesterday. I didn't go out, except to buy pizza for dinner. I read an online book: http://www.creationscience.com/onlinebook/index.html is the online book titled In the Beginning: Compelling Evidence for Creation and the Flood, 8th Edition (2008), by Dr. Walt Brown.

I thought I had finished reading the above mentioned book about the flood. I say "thought" because it is online, I didn't read it front to back, and because it is quite complex. Okay... I read the things I wanted to read. I just did a scan of the first parts of the book and I haven't read those pages. I'll be going back to see what I missed.

The Daily Bible - Exodus 12-13
The Passover is explained and initiated. This one thing stands out this time... The family must eat the Passover in one house, do not take any part of it outside. All must be circumcised. Those that want to eat, foreigners or not, must be circumcised and then they must share the meal. This is a very communal meal.

Boundaries in Marriage - Setting Boundaries with Yourself
Control Comes in Different Flavors - Guilt, Anger, Persistent Assaults on the Spouse's Boundary, and Withholding Love
All of these are just ways to manipulate a spouse into doing what is desired by the other spouse. None of these are acceptable, so what is? How can spouses come to terms about important issues without overstepping boundaries?

Submitting to Boundaries on Our Control - Realize the Cost of Other-Control, Ask Your Spouse to Let You Know How Your Control Affects Him, Experience Your Own Helplessness to Change Your Spouse, Learn to Grieve, Work Through Dependency Issues, Be a Separate Person with Your Spouse, Value Your Spouse's Freedom As You Want Your Freedom Valued, Set Boundaries with Your Spouse Instead of Controlling Him
All of these are necessary to truly become a loving and freedom granting spouse. Controlling your spouse is not an option, controlling yourself is. Realizing needs and helping find appropriate ways of resolving/fulfilling those needs is a major maturity booster. Some needs are inappropriate or misplaced, they need to be redefined, while other needs are appropriate and need an appropriate fulfillment. Sometimes these fulfillment of needs come from the spouse and sometimes they come from others.

Prayer
Father God, Lord of heaven and earth, Master of everything, Friend to the friendless, and Parent to all... thank you for loving us. Thank you for giving us so many abilities to learn, grow, and change. Help us to trust and love you more. Help us to experience your forgiveness and bless others with your love, grace and mercy. Find in us your Spirit and bring us to increasing awareness of your abundance for us so that we can honor you in all that we are.

Settlers, Stuck, Slavery

Yesterday
We had Jacky, Alicia, their son Micah, and also Nikki over for dinner last night and to play Settlers. We had a great time. Jacky got stuck in the bathroom, but ended up freeing himself after about half an hour. The internal workings of the lock broke, so there was nothing to do but break the internal workings of the handle/lock even further. I guess we could have broken the door, kicked it in, or taken the hinges off, however none of these options were as easy to remedy. The hinges weren't coming off, because he had no tools inside the bathroom.

When playing Settlers I changed my attitude from very competitive and I must win, to everyone should just have fun, and if I win that is okay. I also tried a little different strategy, but really I just played, it was more to do with my attitude. And I was distracted, Jaime put on a cartoon for Micah and I love to watch cartoons. I should say we hardly ever watch TV or movies. We spend most of our time studying Chinese.

The Daily Bible - Exodus 9-11
Plagues of Dead Animals, Boils, Hail, Locusts, and Darkness with intermittent agreements to allow the people (or just the men) to go and then reneging.

How often do we hear the Word of God and then waffle between obedience and our own desire? God wants us to trust him, to follow him. Are there plague like things in my life? If I would have chosen to obey at different times, how much more fruitful and joyful would my life be now? So, I must start each day with the purpose in my heart to be obedient and have the goal of increased relationship with the Lord so that I can be fruitful in every way which brings glory to God.

Boundaries in Marriage - Setting Boundaries with Yourself
Boundaries on Our Attempts to Control
A spouse must truly be free. The marriage cannot lead to other-controlled living, Galatians 5:1 is all about being free! Galatians 5:23 is all about having self-control, not other-control. Even God doesn't force us to make the good choice, so one must allow their spouse to make good or bad choices without our constant observance, coercion, and manipulation.

Prayer
Lord thank you for always blessing me with a renewed spirit for your will in my life. Thank you for changing my heart, attitude, and actions into increasing holiness. I pray your Spirit is in control of all that I think, say, and do. Let me offer my life to you each day as a sacrifice of praise.

Plagues, Judgmentalism, Worship

Yesterday
We met with Brad & Min for dinner.

The Daily Bible - Exodus 5-8
Plagues on the Egyptians. Moses goes to Pharaoh and the plagues begin.

Boundaries in Marriage - Setting Boundaries with Yourself
Judgmentalism
This happens when one spouse criticizes, judges, and condemns the other. The judging spouse is not aware of how hurtful their actions are, but they are also trying to find love and acceptance while misreading the actions of their spouse. This misreading causes the judged spouse to recoil out of fear. Fear drives out love and quickly destroys the relationship, this is the opposite of what God intends (1 John 4:18).

To remedy this, the judging spouse needs to ask their spouse how much pain is brought as a result of their judgment, develop the ability to receive God's love and forgiveness, and develop compassion for others.

Prayer
Lord reach inside my heart and create more room for you. Give me increasing desire for your love, followed by discipline to grow, encouraged by grace, let me know you more. Help me to follow your desire for me each day. Let my heart be molded in your hands, let my mind be fed by your love, let my soul be satisfied only in your presence, God I want to be with you each day. Grant us your love, peace, and mercy. Cast out our anxiety, foolishness, and selfish pride. Let us grow through your compassion. Be with your church, make leaders rise up throughout the world that will guide your people into every increasing humility before your throne, yet with boldness to gather your flock and call us all to worship you. Give us times of deep worship, let us know your presence, let your Spirit empower us to greater passion for you and compassion for others. Thank you for your grace, mercy, and forgiveness through Jesus.

Short & Quick, Cookie Ministry Success!, Killing Moses...

Yesterday
2 guys come for Bible Study from the Cookie Ministry. I sold a bunch of my stuff.

The Daily Bible - Exodus 1-4, 6
Moses is chosen by God to go to Egypt. Pharaoh wants to kill Moses, then later God wants to kill him.

Boundaries in Marriage - Setting Boundaries with Yourself
Self-Centeredness
How do you deal with not trying to be "good"?

Prayer
Help me to focus more on being your person God. Let me love you and follow you. Set aside my selfishness and lack of faith. Thank you Lord for loving me and blessing me.

Cookies, 6500, Withdrawal

Yesterday
Jessica and Angela arrived yesterday. We went to Sizzler for dinner, especially because of the salad bar.

A few days ago, Jaime and I made another set of cookies to share with the people on floors 3-12 of our building. (We have no residents on the second floor and the first floor only has businesses and the elevator workers room.) Last night, Nikki and I finished handing out the cookies to all that would receive them.

The Daily Bible - Genesis 47-50
Jacob blesses his children and dies. Joseph dies after seeing his child's 3rd generation.

It has been 4006 years since Jacob/Israel was born and 3859 years since he died. Babel was maybe 400-500 years before Jacob's birth. Maybe the Flood was another 500 years before Babel. And Creation was about 1500 years before the Flood, which would make Creation about 6500 years ago.

Boundaries in Marriage - Setting Boundaries with Yourself
Withdrawal from Relationship
This is focused on the tendency of some people to not establish and keep emotional connections which is a serious character flaw. The reasons can be many, but at their core the most likely culprit is lack of trust which results in fear. Many people fear being hurt, so they safeguard their heart by not letting attachments form. This is a lonely life.

Irresponsibility
"It's not fair!" is the common mantra of a spouse trying to avoid responsibility. They often focus on others, neglecting their own ability to control the situation. Sometimes these people are flaky, unconventional, or otherwise distracted by things, but they can take control by asking for help. Ask friends to tell you how much you hurt them by not keeping your word, finishing projects, or failing to show for a dinner appointment. Then ask them not to enable you, to let you be late or even fail. Ask your wife to set limits for you, especially if you are not setting them appropriately.

Prayer
God I feel like I have been withdrawn for a good bit of my life. I am not so much now, but I have been. I struggle to know what it means to be connected, to be fully integrated in relationship with others. Lord, give me a stronger sense of the connections I have, bless me with the ability to love. Open my heart to your love and your relationship so this can be a model for blessing others in relationship.

Guests, Tax, Confession

Yesterday
We said good bye to Luke and Kat, then they received Wade and Lydia while we were at class. We really enjoyed our time with both... today we are due to receive Angelyn and Jessica.

Studying Chinese. This is my life now. It seems I will one day learn the language, but it won't be anytime soon. When Jaime returns to the States in February, I will spend my days studying Chinese intensively. This month will become a linguistic boot camp.

The Daily Bible - Genesis 45-47
Israel comes to Egypt. Years of plenty and years of famine occur. I have always found it interesting that Joseph took 1/5 (20%) of all the people's produce for 7 years before the famine, then as the famine is winding down Joseph takes 1/5 (20%) again and seems to have established it as a flat tax.

Israel/Jacob lived 17 years in Goshen, Egypt. He lived well past the famine. I wonder about the normalizing of prices, crop yields, and such. How did this famine change the culture of the region, especially now that all the people and land were Pharaoh's. Obviously the Israelites were not taxed or required to sell themselves to Pharaoh due to Joseph's high position. So they would quickly become some of the wealthiest people in the land.

Boundaries in Marriage - Setting Boundaries with Yourself
In the heading Process, Not Perfection, "Here are some character issues in our own lives on which we can set limits:"
Playing God
This is the most hurtful of all our character defects resulting from the Fall. We need to continuously submit our hearts to God, ask for his blessing on us and our marriages, exercising spiritual disciplines, and continually seek the most loving path. (Romans 6:13; John 14:23)

Denial
1 John 1:8, "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us." Confession is necessary to allow all parts of your life to come into relationship and be loved by your spouse. This also allows your mate to minister to the most vulnerable parts of your life. Many spouses report a loving compassionate understanding during confession because eternity is set in our hearts (Ecclesiastes 3:11) and we long to live in the light of God's love.

Prayer
God you are all powerful, able to overcome all obstacles, Lord direct my paths to line up with yours. Forgive my sin, set aside my arrogance and desire to be you, but help me to love and serve like you. Grant me humility and strength. Allow me to give all of my heart to you.

Homeschooled, Account, Process

Yesterday
Worship was good. Lydia and Wade visited. They are here for a few days. Lydia is visiting her brother and they will do some traveling during his vacation. They come from a family of ten, homeschooled, and Wade did his university studies online. They were wonderful!

We napped, then Jaime went to our gate to receive Luke and Kat. They came in from the airport around 4:15pm. We chatted for a while, then they napped and I studied Chinese. We ate pizza from our favorite shop, The Pizza Company. Then I studied some more and went to bed.

The Daily Bible - Genesis 42-45
Joseph tricks his brothers into bringing Benjamin down to Egypt. Then reveals himself to them, telling them to bring everyone down to Goshen, the best place in Egypt.

Genesis 42:22, Reuben replied, "Didn't I tell you not to sin against the boy? But you wouldn't listen! Now we must give an accounting for his blood." This accounting for blood goes back to Genesis 9:5.

Boundaries in Marriage - Setting Boundaries with Yourself
Setting Boundaries with Our Own Character
What should one do when you are into personal development and your spouse is not? First, the greatest calling is love, so everything you do should be loving. Second, there should be no judgment placed upon your spouse, in fact there should be blessing. Asking the question, "What do you see in me that hurts or bothers you?" will bring about a blessing for you... but maybe you will never have the same question returned to you. Accept this. Pray for your spouses heart to change, but never judge your spouse because they are unwilling to read personal development books or go to seminars or do other similar things. Love them and bless them.

Process, Not Perfection
We do not have the power to change ourselves, let alone others (Romans 7:15). God's blessings enable us to mature. We cannot force ourselves to mature. What we can do is make choices, show our faults, and bring our issues into relationship. The next sections will be about what we can do to work on our maturity.

Prayer
Lord remind us all of our need for humility. Bless us with your compassion for one another. Help us to find the best way to mature in your love. Let us know you as Master, Lord, and Friend.

Cookies, Joseph, The "Good" Spouse

Yesterday
Missed a day because I didn't read first, but checked email and other things while trying to buy train tickets. Then made tons of cookies with Jaime. When we hand out these cookies, we'll have blessed our entire building with cookies and an invitation to study the Bible.

The Daily Bible - Genesis 37-42
Joseph, he favorite of his father and the envy of his brothers, dreams about how his family will bow down to him one day. As he goes to inspect his brothers' work and report back to his father, his brothers want to kill him. Instead Reuben encourages them to throw him into a pit and Judah says, "Let's sell him." Joseph winds up being sold to Potiphar, whose wife convinces him Joseph is a potential rapist and throws him into jail.

Judah has wicked children, God kills them. With one son left, Judah fears his son will die and doesn't do right by Tamar, so Tamar acts as a prostitute to get a son through Judah. He wants to burn her at the stake, but she produces his seal, cord, and staff. Judah relents, but doesn't seem to really repent.

Joseph interprets dreams, becomes the ruler of Egypt, his brothers are sent to buy wheat from him.

Boundaries in Marriage - Setting Boundaries with Yourself
Being the "Good" Spouse
Overly focusing on a spouse's problems and not dealing with personal weaknesses, leads one to believe they are the good spouse. The spouse that doesn't appear to be as bad then receives comfort from friends that the "bad" spouse just doesn't appreciate your sacrifices. All the while, the "good" spouse is actually being harmful by neglecting truth, directness, and being passive. The "good" spouse needs to set limits, establish consequences, and not take a morally superior position. We are all sinners. We all need to focus on God's goodness, not other people's failures or triumphs. (Romans 3:10-18, 1 Corinthians 10:12)

Living by the Same Rules
We all have different weaknesses, so we must not hypocritically judge one another. If one is distant, the other did something to encourage that distancing. If one is controlling, the other feels that and withdraws. If one is angry, the other is aware and doesn't desire closeness. But in each instance boundaries must be set and truth must be applied to the situation so that there is recognition of both failings and repentance by both parties. Then relationship can be restored and flourish.

Freeing Your Spouse by Setting Limits with Yourself
One spouse (Brian) is immature in handling money and jobs, the other (Andie) nags and nags, but doesn't have any personal limits or consequences for this immaturity. Andie decides enough is enough, limits her nagging and seeks the help of a financial counselor to understand how to give proper consequences to Brian's inappropriate behavior. Now Brian wakes up to his immaturity instead of running from his wife (who was behaving like his mother).

Truly limiting negativity and pushing forward with proper personal limits and consequences for inappropriate behavior allows everyone to mature, heal the relationship, and flourish.

Prayer
God bless me to find you first every morning, to set aside all the distractions and just focus on you for a time. God we pray that you bless the people in our building to receive the cookies, to consider their need for you, to be drawn to you, and that we can assist them in some way to learn more about your amazing love!

Edomites, Planks, Thanks

Yesterday
One of my Chinese classes was just me again. I even saw my classmate after the class. I am wondering if she switched classes. Fine by me. I know have a one-on-one time! I get better instruction, ask all my questions, and get more practice speaking.

The apartment has been especially dry, I haven't been drinking enough water, and/or I ate something that really dried me out. My nose is back to that very dry, not so wonderful feeling. I woke up yesterday and today with one side of my nose as dry as a bone, while the other side is clogged. This morning I used a salt water rinse to attempt to rehydrate. I have been drinking more water too. My headache throbs with every breath. Cough drops and cold medicine... will all be employed to fight off this pain.

The Daily Bible - Genesis 36
The Record of the Edomites, with only a few very noticeable things.

1. There were a lot of Edomites.
2. Anah found water in the desert, apparently hot springs.
   
3. The Edomites had kings before the Israelites.

Boundaries in Marriage - Setting Boundaries with Yourself
Removing the Plank
Many "innocent" spouses allow or even encourage behaviors that are negative in their spouse so that they can have a certain sense of pride. Scott would blow up at Molly for being irresponsible because Molly would overdraw the checking account. Scott prided himself on being responsible and loved to complain about the world around him being irresponsible. This was actually the result of Scott's fear of not being able to control things outside himself, so he would "control" Molly through this little "game" they played every couple of days.

In Matthew 7: 5, Jesus said you have to first take the plank out of your own eye before you can help another. Scott had a plank. He repented. Then he and Molly worked through their checking account situation.

Taking Ownership of Our Lives
Ephesians 4:15, "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ." This is a personal responsibility. No one can do this for me. But we are often more focused on the person that is making us crazy, which is shifting the blame like Adam and Eve did in Genesis 3:11-13.

Seeking first the Kingdom of God as stated in Matthew 6:33, in this situation means realizing that focusing too much on one's spouse, trying to control them, and attempting to set limits on them actually harms the individual's spiritual walk. The individual is responsible for all of their relationship with the Lord, but only part of their marital relationship. You could fail miserably in marriage, but still have a great relationship with the Lord. Why? Because you are only part of the marriage. If your spouse runs away from God, what can you do about it? You can't control them. You can pray, reason with them, and do your best to encourage them to return, but not much more.

Prayer
God thank you for relationships. Thank you for teaching us how to have relationships. Give us good friends, good marriages, bless us with an abundance of faithful friends. May we all be faithful to you Lord, forgive us and bless us to know our own boundaries. Give us strength for each day to set aside time in prayer, time in private consultation with you, our greatest friend. Heal us Lord. Make us holy and whole. Let us find rest in you. Give us your peace as we walk in this world, let us daily overcome the battle for our hearts and minds by trusting in your Word.

Believers, Honesty, Responsibility

Yesterday
I had a dream I was teaching some Chinese and American kids when along came Yao Ming. The kids were already unruly, but now it was time to play ball. There was a little boy, kinda sickly, reminded me of a student I had at Solano Christian Academy. He wanted to play, but his parents were always protecting him. I suggested the boy play and learn his place on the court. I think this dream was about finding our place in life. There are so many times people are protecting of their children, but their children need to be set free to play with others and find their place.

Many times when children play together they end up fighting. If a parent always steps in, the children learn to go to others to solve all their problems. But if a parent says, "You can solve the problem." Then the parent has just enabled the children to become problem solvers. I think children have many opportunities to learn, parents should allow their children to experience more responsibility for their actions.

Yesterday, we had our Bible study. We had some of those same people return that already believe. They are just wanting to learn in English, or should I say perfect their English. This is sort of strange for me. They are wanting to learn English so they can go to another country to teach others about Jesus. Rather fiercely one of them said to me, "Quit speaking in Chinese, speak only English." So, I told them, "This won't be in English for long. I will learn Chinese and this will quickly become simply a Bible study. I am here to help non-believers come to faith." I then shared many English/Chinese resources with them. They can now listen to the Bible in English at home, study many different topics, and find plenty of information about all their questions in English and Chinese, many of these resources are on the Internet (or will be soon - I am going to load them onto my MobileMe online hard drive).

The Daily Bible - Genesis 34-35
Dinah and the men of Shechem. Jacob moves to Bethel and his new name Israel is emphasized again. This is a strange story... the beginnings of the nation of Israel are wrapped in lies. The lies of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, then his children... they all have this major issue with being deceitful. Abraham and Isaac lied and people took their wives - then returned them with great blessings. Jacob got his brother's birthright and blessing in deceitful ways. Then the twelve children of Jacob/Israel take many wives and children from Shechem, along with animals and all the wealth. Wow, I haven't really thought about it like this before.

Boundaries in Marriage - Setting Boundaries with Yourself; Becoming More Lovable
Tom and Lynn are married. Tom is late a lot, Lynn complains a lot. Lynn quits complaining, apologizes and changes her habit of holding dinner until Tom gets home. Tom eats microwaved meals by himself, gets sick of it, comes home on time. Tom is thankful that Lynn quit complaining and has made coming home a priority so he doesn't have to eat microwaved meals. Lynn accepted her responsibility for enabling Tom by holding the meal and changed her attitude to be more productive and welcoming. Tom recognized his responsibility for coming home late and decided hot & fresh was better than microwaved.

Whose Problem Is It, Anyway?
As stated above... they were both responsible for some part of it. We can not blame everyone else for our attitude. We can take responsibility for how we respond, think, and feel. This will create vast differences in every relationship. Lynn set limits on her impulse to angry attack of Tom. Second, she set limits on her enabling of Tom.

The Chapter No One Wants to Read
This chapter is about setting limits on myself, not about setting limits on my spouse. Of course, how I set those limits and how I talk about those limits is very important. The time and the method are important because sometimes the spouse will be receptive and other times the spouse will not, as the Bible says, "Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you" (Proverbs 9:8).

Matthew 5:23-24 and 18:15 state that fault is irrelevant, we need to solve the sin problem. God solved our sin problem, now we need to go and do likewise.

Prayer
God grant me the ability to see your blessing in honesty and personal boundaries. Help me to see your blessing in every situation, so that I can trust you to bless me without giving into the temptation to be even the tiniest bit deceitful. Allow me to be controlled by your Spirit, give me your grace and blessings so that I can be a proper witness for you. Allow me to have greater humility, removing the fear of shame which hinders confession and promotes deceit. God you are an awesome God. Thank you for your forgiveness, love, and continued blessings.

Exposure of Boundaries Brings Blessings

Yesterday
Mainly I had class. Came home to work on a thousand and one Internet tasks. Jaime enjoyed her violin lesson, went to the gym, and class, but all that in reverse order. We finished a movie we had watched half of, I went to bed, while Jaime worked on other stuff.

The Daily Bible - Genesis 31-33
Jacob leaves Laban. Rachel steals her father's household idols, then sits on them to protect her life. What does that say about idols? The idols weren't protecting Rachel and she sure wasn't honoring them by sitting on them.

Jacob returns to Canaan. Jacob sends gifts ahead to his brother Esau, almost as if to restore the birthright and blessing he stole so many years ago; 200 female and 20 male goats, 200 female and 20 male rams, 30 female camels and their young, 40 cows and 10 bulls, 20 female and 10 male donkeys! Before meeting his brother, Jacob wrestles with God and receives a blessing. His new name is Israel.

Boundaries in Marriage - Applying the Ten Laws of Boundaries to Marriage
Law #10: The Law of Exposure
This law is all about communicating our boundaries to each other. I like to compare this to the invisible fence. Dogs without a leash have a shock collar, but if they aren't taught the purpose of it, introduced to it, they might just run and keep running. (I don't know much about shock collars, but I figure once you get past a certain point it dies out.) Boundaries need to be obvious, introduction of boundaries to your spouse removes a lot of painful learning. If everyone came to the marriage with an awareness of their boundaries this would be easier. But many people aren't sure what their boundaries are, where they are, or how they are offended. As they recognize a boundary has been made, crossed, or otherwise, they need to vocalize this to their loved one.

If the boundaries are not vocalized, exposed, and clarified, then spouses will withdraw because the painful shock they receive has no connection. They will simply say, "That hurt and doesn't make sense. I'll find another way to deal with this need (want, problem, or pain)."

It is better to learn and understand boundaries, facing some initial pain, than to walk around banging into things in the dark. Turn on the lights and find the boundaries, open up to one another compassionately and expose the landmines, bridges, rivers, moats, alligators, walls, and whatever you have erected for your personal protection. Then as the relationship develops and trust is built, it is possible to downgrade the fortresses, allowing for more access to the sensitive areas and for more healing and blessings to come through one another.

Prayer
Thank you God for continuing to partner with humanity in spite of our sinfulness. Thank you for making us holy so we can come into your presence. Tear down our defensive walls and let us experience you blessings. God come into our presence daily. Let us know you and enjoy your presence. Thank you for Jesus and all that he has done on our behalf to honor you!

Plans, Love, Activity

Yesterday
We worked on our travel plans for Spring Festival. Our school has a week off and we will go to Harbin to see the ice festival.

I sat up straight around 4am, dreaming I was dieing or something. I keep trying to remember the feelings origin, the actual dream or the way it evolved, but have struggled to get beyond the feeling. I don't believe every dream has great meaning or purpose, but I like to remember and try to understand what was happening, since it was happening in my head.

I have begun going through all my Chinese materials. I am working on being more studious. Jaime is planning on returning to the States for a month and I'll be focused on studying Chinese. Our team is going to be traveling throughout this time as well, so it will just be me here in Wangjing. Of course our Russian friends the Sviridorvs and Sal (USA) will be here, so I will have some bonding time with them.

The Daily Bible - Genesis 29-30
Jacob arrives in Haran, meets Rachel and works for seven years so she will be his wife. Laban deceives Jacob, give Leah, then Jacob works seven more years for Rachel. 12 sons and 1 daughter are born to Jacob through Leah, Bilhah, Zilpah, and finally Rachel. Laban and Jacob make arrangements for severance pay so that Jacob can return to Canaan. Laban and Jacob deceive one another.

Humanity just seems to struggle. The entire way through the Bible people are shown as real people, everything comes out. The Bible would not get a PG rating, it is too long to be any kind of modern love story, it is too difficult and interwoven to make it as a guidebook, and I am not sure it could fly as a motivational or self-help book. Yet it is the best book for children, teaches love throughout, it is a perfect guide for life (and partly because life is complicated and messy, much like the Bible), and it is the original motivational and self-help book. For all these reasons, it has been a best seller and the most read book throughout the ages. Of course the greatest reason to read the Bible ... it shows us God's love and how to be a part of his family.

Boundaries in Marriage - Applying the Ten Laws of Boundaries to Marriage
Law #9: The Law of Activity
This law establishes the need for being active in solving problems. Both spouses must be active, Hebrews 5:14 shows that active people are learning and growing, making mistakes and testing boundaries is a part of that, this is why we have grace. Hebrews 10:38 states the God is not pleased with people who "shrink back" in passivity.

When one spouse is active and the other passive, the imbalance can result in these problems:

• The active spouse may dominate the passive one.
• The active spouse may feel abandoned by the passive one.
• The passive spouse may become too dependent on the active one's initiative.
• The passive spouse may resent the power of the active one.
• The passive spouse may be to intimidated by the active one to say no.

When both spouses are active in boundary setting, they both speak the truth, solve problems, and set goals, they will both find growth. The passive one needs to speak out about his/her concerns and ask for help in being more active. God is a great example for us. Even when he didn't cause a problem (our sinfulness), he took the initiative to solve it (the Cross). We should be able to rely on one another in this same manner.

Being active in marriage, making the first move is very important. If no one is willing to change or grow, then the marriage will become weak and dull. One must be an active person in marriage and in life.

Take initiative, be the first to strike out into new territories, finding new boundaries and blessings.

Prayer
Father of heaven and earth, you are so amazing. You show us purpose and meaning in life, giving beautiful design to the smallest things and making the largest things beyond our counting and comprehension. You have given us the desire to search for answers, meaning, and purpose, while blessing us with the ability to find you, know you, and have those answers fulfilled in you. We have not seen the smallest or largest things of your creation... we have only seen a small piece of all that you prepared for us. We are so limited, yet you soar throughout all the galaxies and the inside of the atoms. God prepare our hearts to know your limitless love and share this greatest of blessings with our neighbors.

Format, Grace, Envy

I actually start by reading The Daily Bible, the other good book, and then either the prayer or write about yesterday. I figure many people are interested in how my days have gone and have their own devotionals, Bible readings, and books to read; so this is the reason for the format I have chosen.

Yesterday
Worship was feeling really early. We were up late ... but I don't remember why. Sal spoke about Foolishness and Faith. God asks us to do seemingly foolish things, but in the end they are very wise. Like: Building a boat with no water nearby, sacrificing your son, and changing the priorities in your life. The opposite of fear is faith. The more faith, the less fear, they don't coexist very well. Sal used the example of air in a glass, fill the glass with water and there will be less air. Fill your life with faith and there is less fear. Fear removes desire and ability to take action. Faith removes fear, and therefore removes inactivity, replacing it with holy living.

We went ice skating... I say "we" but really it was "they." The largest size skate was 43, I wear a 49. I went to a coffee shop and relaxed, checked out some www.AnswersInGenesis.org news and notes, then watched a couple of TED Talks. An intersting section from Answers' News to Note on the evolution of Religion:

5. ScienceDaily: “Religion May Have Evolved Because of its Ability to Help People Exercise Self-Control”

How is one psychologist answering the loaded question “why did religion evolve?”

University of Miami (Florida) psychologist Michael McCullough thinks he has a clue to just why religion evolved: as a mechanism for improving self-control in participants.

McCullough reviewed almost a century worth of research on world religions, including research from neuroscience, economics, psychology, and sociology. His conclusion? That religious people have more self-control, and thus are better at achieving long-term goals. For example, McCullough noted that religious people have an advantage over the irreligious when it comes to substance abuse, academic achievement, crime, and physical and mental health.

Additionally, McCullough pointed out studies that show that the part of the brain responsible for prayer is also “most important” for self-control, and that goals viewed as “sacred” receive more attention and effort. Also—unsurprisingly—religions provide moral standards and religious persons believe God is watching their behavior, contributing further to self-control.

And . . . that’s it. The press release offers nothing to buttress the titular claim that the connection between religion and self-control (or good behavior in general) shows that it “evolved.” These days, research of all kinds is hammered to fit into the grand story of evolution—and as long as the story can be imagined to be true, it counts as science.

Then we went to Beijing Train Station to get a train ticket for Finn. The only train available is a special 3:35 AM that takes 25 hours and 20+ minutes! The train wasn't listed on any normal English schedules, however after a few searches and many page views in Chinese... I found a very helpful website: http://train.8684.cn/

Finn arrived at Midnight, came to my place by taxi around 12:30AM, then on to the train station. We exchanged a few things like money for a train ticket and printer ink for packaged meals for the train. It wasn't really an exchange in that regard. We were going to pay for our ink, but he insisted we were so helpful that he gave it to us. We packed him breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the train... and a snack or two.

I finally got to bed around 1:45AM after studying a little more Chinese... crazy.

The Daily Bible - Genesis 27-28
Jacob steals the blessing, then flees to Haran. Jacob dreams of a stairway to Heaven and promises to give God a tenth of everything he is given by God. Why does God bless less than honest people? Because all people are less than honest? Yet God is working out his master plan to bless the entire world through Abraham's descendants, so some of them aren't so wonderful and others might just be awful. Don't we all have people in our family that are in need of God's grace? Aren't we all in need of God's grace?

Boundaries in Marriage - Applying the Ten Laws of Boundaries to Marriage
Law #8: The Law of Envy
"We will never get what we want if we focus outside our boundaries on what others have." This law is all about taking ownership of my problems, recognizing that I must not blame another person for my faults. The example used: the wife is envious of her husbands ability to make quick decisions through which he seems to "control" others, including his wife. More accurately said from a third party, his wife is weak in the area of assertiveness. Therefore she sees her husband's ability as negative, while she actually envies his ability.

One needs to thank the Lord for every ability used properly by spouse, sibling, parents, friend, or neighbor... envy should have no place in one's heart.

Prayer
Lord thank you for your constant presence in my life. You take me out of the depths of despair, lifting me to the mountain tops of victory. You give me unending joy and happiness, while encouraging me through struggling moments. Help me to be a blessing today.

Tim's Texas Roadhouse, Blessed Liar, Proactivity

Yesterday
We had a relaxing day... First I went to pay the communications fee (phone & Internet) so that I could use the Internet to post to the blog. While I was out, I decided to see just how long the line was for train tickets - it was much too long and I was not dressed warmly enough to stand outside for a few hours. Plus, we found out that there is a travel agent where we can buy tickets. Didn't go there, but almost.

The remainder of the day was spent researching costs of things and preparing to buy an iPhone... which didn't happen. Then onto a date night with Jaime at Tim's Texas Roadhouse. We ate beef brisket sandwiches! Then we played darts.

We came home and after researching some other things we went to bed. I dreamed about driving with the a family from Amherst... the kids (still quite young - like 7 & 10 years old) were in control of the car. There was a car/train wreck up ahead. It was crazy. There were so many random people from my past. I was in the car, about to get in the driver's seat, cause the dad abandoned it, allowing the children to take turns trying to drive the car.

The Daily Bible - Genesis 25-26
Abraham marries Keturah, they have six sons, seven grandsons, and three great-grandsons at the time of Abraham's death. The twins Esau and Jacob are born to Isaac. Esau's birthright is sold to Jacob for a bowl of stew. Isaac imitates his father in lies and wells, and God blesses him all the more.

Why does God bless him? Because he is the son of Abraham? Not because he is a liar, that is for sure, but why doesn't God rebuke them more openly about this sin?

Boundaries in Marriage - Applying the Ten Laws of Boundaries to Marriage
Law #7: The Law of Proactivity
Proactivity is taking actions to solve problems based on your values, wants, and needs.
1. Reactive boundaries are a necessary part of growth and marriage.
2. Reactive boundaries are not sufficient for growth.
3. Proactive boundaries maintain love, freedom, and reality in marriage.

Here reactive boundaries are understood to be immature, because they are simply reacting and not always positively to the situation. Often a reactive boundary is the result of a screaming match, some complaint, etc. These obviously will not make for a great marriage. Proactive boundaries are set in place because of reactive boundaries, yet with more love, less bitterness, and a decidedly straightforward plan for both parties to be able to be more mature through the process.

Prayer
God when I try to describe you I feel at a lose for words. I want to say how amazing you are, so much bigger than my mind can comprehend, so much more loving. I feel humbled in your presence. Thank you for using me, working in me, and through me. Lord help me to focus on your character, ideas, and plans. Give me faith to trust you more and follow you more each day.

Settlers, Rebekah, Painful Maturity

Yesterday
The guys study is always enjoyable! Especially yesterday, when we talked and talked about different things.

We had Sal and the Sviridov family over for pizza and games. It was a fun night. We played to rounds of Settlers. Jaime did most of the work on the pizzas, then decided to bake a very scrumptious cake (oatmeal with walnut glaze). After washing up the dishes and putting everything away, we didn't get to bed until at least 12:30am. I decided to sleep in... maybe it was 9 am when I got out of bed, but I woke up around 6am (didn't have my phone handy, not sure of the time, but it sure felt like it) and decided to go back to sleep. I purposely left my phone (which doubles as my bedside alarm clock out of the bedroom) so I wouldn't be tempted to impose some limit on how long I slept.

I realize more and more how competitive I am and how much it affects others. Jaime encourages me to relax, enjoy the game and let others enjoy it as well. I am enjoying it, but I usually get attacked... I need a better strategy. I can't just build and build, cause people decide to attack me the entire game. I think I'll try for a more subtle approach and lower my emotional involvement.

The Daily Bible - Genesis 24
Abraham sends his servant (probably Eliezer of Damascus) to get a wife for Isaac from among his people. Abraham prays for an angel to go before the servant to make the journey a success. The servant prays as he arrives at the well outside the town. God answers all their prayers and Rebekah returns with the servant to meet Isaac as he is meditating in the field. They wed. I wonder how happy were they? Did they ever fight? Was there a honeymoon period and then some big adjustments to be made or were the roles so defined in their culture that it was a fairly smooth transition?

Boundaries in Marriage - Applying the Ten Laws of Boundaries to Marriage
Law #6: The Law of Evaluation
Pain and injury. Many people consider pain to be a bad thing, but sometimes it is necessary for improvement. Think about a baby being born. There may be no injury, but there will sure be a lot of pain. What about exercise? It is fraught with pain... no pain, no gain. Many times I am sore after working out, I sweat, I feel a little tired, or something else. But the rewards of the pain, I am actually healthier because of it.

Injury is altogether different. Sometimes birth can injure the mother, sometimes exercise can cause injury too, but that doesn't stop us from either of them. Many times people need to mature, but are afraid of the pain it will bring. Maturing isn't easy, just getting old is so much easier. But people need to experience times of pain to become all that God wants them to be.

"Just because someone is in pain doesn't necessarily mean something bad is happening."

Prayer
Thank you Lord for being my God, for loving us all so much that you would give Jesus to us. Thank you for my wife, who is such a servant and example of your blessing on my life. Help me to honor you and her more each day.

Running in My Dreams, Sacrifice of Isaac, No Fear

Yesterday
I spent too much time on the Internet, but a lot of emails and connections were required.

Last night, I dreamed of going running to a place in a former dream... meeting people and having experiences that were odd. Just the people that were connected to this dream. I bought a net to use as a ladder. The net had very small fibers, similar to a net for catching minows. Then I bought a case of Dr. Pepper that was quite strange, they were in gourd like shapes coming with an attachment to enable opening and drinking them, which reminds me oddly of an old oil can that needed puncturing with the spout attachment. It was also a distance I haven't run in a long time. I am thinking it is a place reminscent of Shiyan. The mountain I used to bike to the top of ... took about 45 minutes at max speed for a round trip from home. I wanted to run it, but never did. So familiar, so strange. The shop reminded me of a collection of places all merged into one; New York Donuts & Coffee (North gate of our Beijing complex), Clarence Center Coffee Company (coffee shop), and an old gas station.

In thinking about my goals... I need to get to the gym today and tomorrow. I have been doing a little workout at home, but this isn't the same. I need cardio.

The Daily Bible - Genesis 22-23
God asks Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. A ram is provided. Sacrificing the greatest treasure, the only hope of the promise, this is truly putting faith in God... Abraham even says before arriving, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering my son." Isaac was provided by God, so Abraham could be speaking of his son, returning his son from death, or trusting God to miraculously provide a lamb. The Bible makes a reference to the idea of returning him from death, "Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death." - Hebrews 11:19.

Sarah's death and burial - only woman in the Bible with her age mentioned. Is that why women don't ever want to be asked their age, Biblical example? :-)

Boundaries in Marriage - Applying the Ten Laws of Boundaries to Marriage
Law #5: The Law of Motivation
What is the motivation for saying yes or no? If there is fear, this shows that love is not yet perfected in the relationship. "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." - 1 John 4:18.

If any of these fears are present in the decision to say yes or no to a spouse's request, then the decision should be reworked to remove the following fears:

• Fear of losing love
• Fear of a spouse's anger
• Fear of being alone
• Fear of being a bad person
• Fear of one's guilty feelings
• Fear of not reciprocating he love someone has given (thus hurting his or her feelings)
• Fear of losing the approval of others
• Fear of hurting one's spouse because of overidentifying with his or her pain

Fear always works against love. If any of the above are in any relationship, they should be worked out to be removed. Every relationship should be free of fear.

Choice is God's gift to man. We are blessed with freedom to choose, however with God we know the consequences for our choices before hand. He tells us what is right and what is wrong (not in minute detail, but in the grand scheme and larger details of life).

Since God gives us this gift, we should give it to others. Removing pressure, fear, and other negative relational cues from all of our relationships. There is a proper time and way to apply fear or pressure in parenting and similar relationships, but it shouldn't be placed directly on the individual. Most "parenting professionals" (teachers, etc.) would say to put the pressure on the sin, the problem, to focus on the negative behavior, not the child or the relationship.

Prayer
Thank you Lord for your sacrifice. Thank you for giving us Jesus and freedom. Help us to submit to your will, knowing you love us fully, knowing you give us grace to learn and grow in your love. Thank you Father!

Lies, Respect, Thankful

If you are reading this and think... "I want to say something, but this seems to be so personal, I probably shouldn't comment on here." You are more than welcome to post a comment, send me and email, or ask me a question. In fact, I am always open to questions and comments.

You don't need to agree with me, or make me feel good, any kind of question is okay. I try very hard to live an open life, a life for others to observe. I have been blessed by watching good and bad examples of how to be a human... I sometimes wish I would have said something, but now I am returning the blessing by allowing others to use my life as an example.

I am not perfect. I make plenty of mistakes. Yet, I am always trying to work on becoming more and more like Jesus, perfect in every way. This is only possible because God believes in me, trusts me, and has honored me with faith, forgiveness, and mercy. I am not worthy of his trust, but God makes me a better person as I live for him each day.

Yesterday
Our first Bible Study of the new year was last night. We had many new faces, some of which are just here for English practice, however their English is quite good and they are already strong believers. I think they are making others feel quite weak, insecure, and definitely taking time away from the seekers. I am going to have to find another to handle this situation. I made it clear this was a study for beginners in their faith, it isn't for old Christians, yet they want to practice English. I will simply need to ask them to limit their conversation so that others will be able to speak out or direct questions intentionally at the weaker English speakers.

The Daily Bible - Genesis 20-21
Abraham lies to Abimelech, the birth of Isaac, Abraham and Abimelech settle a dispute over a well and make a treaty, Hagar and Ishmael are sent away.

Even in the worst of people there is some good; even in the best people there is some bad. Abimelech is willing to repent, seek forgiveness, and provide a blessing though he acted in good faith. Abraham lied, despite God's abundant blessings. Abraham continues to ask Sarah to say she is his sister... she must have been very attractive and in great health that she is still desirable as a wife at 90 years old!

Boundaries in Marriage - Applying the Ten Laws of Boundaries to Marriage
Law #4: The Law of Respect
This law is all about respecting other people's boundaries. We must cherish the freedom of others to say no if we want them to honor our right to say no.

A part of this is that person who says, "Come on, yes you can. Just rearrange your schedule a little and we'll have some fun." Sometimes this might be okay, but if a person is constantly saying, "You can't say no to me!" then life becomes a little too controlled. The one being controlled will grow resentful and distant.

Another part of this is the need to respect people's freedom, even if they are unsafe. A raging angry person is free to rage, however the spouse can and should say something like, "Your raging way of being angry is not acceptable to me. If you don't find other ways of being angry with me, I will have distance from you."

Prayer
Where to begin... God you have truly blessed us! We are honored you chose us for this work in Beijing, being blessed through the Prestoncrest Family, having a great team to work with, and finding life here to be such a joy. Help us to build on these blessings a greater faith in you, a greater honor for you, and a greater humility within.

Lord watch over all those we have been sharing your Word with, give them your blessings and make them directly related to their learning and obedience to your Word. Let them see how the principles of your Word make for a great and joyous life, different than anything they might have expected and more rewarding than they could imagine!

Help us all to love you more. Bring our hearts closer to the example of Jesus. Help us to obey you in the little daily things and build upon those small victories to greater and greater obedience to your Word and your Spirit.

Watch over and bless my family. Bring us to a greater level of spiritual health, help us to recognize your blessings each day. Help us to honor you a little more each day, setting aside those things which are idolatrous, enabling us to draw closer to a complete surrender to you.

Thank you Lord for your love, mercy, and grace. Thank you for Jesus!

Responsibility & Power

Yesterday
We had Gary & Danita, and Elizabeth Jackson over for dinner. Jaime made a Tex-Mex feast! I ate one large burrito and 4 or 5 small ones, I could have continued eating, but they began to take away the food. I was just trying to help clean up. :-)

Then our friends from 襄樊 (Xiāngfán) arrived from the airport on their way to Europe. They are just staying for the night and returning sometime around February 3, when they'll stay for a few nights to see the city. Their taxi dropped them at the wrong gate, their phones were running out of money, and they continued wondering around our community, until we eventually saw each other in the public square at the center of it all. The Boy Scouts teach that if you are ever lost, don't move. Stay where you are and wait for help. I like this idea a lot. I wish I would have remembered it at the beginning of the adventure.

I have been trying to be better about being on time. In fact, I want to be 5 minutes early for most everything. Yesterday, I was early to class, my dental appointment, but not to bed.

The Daily Bible - Genesis 18-19
God visits Abraham, Sarah laughs & lies, Lot is rescued from Sodom & Gomorrah, Lot's daughters get him drunk and have children by him.

This is such an interesting section of Scripture. God's mercy, grace, and blessings are so overwhelming, yet the sinfulness of man is confounding. If only Lot would have listened initially and his wife would have had more faith. If only Lot would have repented and trusted God to show him a community that was healthy and holy where his daughters could find husbands.

If only... in what areas am I able to change today? I can't change the past, but I can change my responses to the situations I face today. I can't change or predict the future. I do have power and faith from God that will provide me with strength enough and love enough to be victorious, overcoming all obstacles, to have a healthy and proactive life.

Boundaries in Marriage - Applying the Ten Laws of Boundaries to Marriage
Law #2: The Law of Responsibility
We are responsible to each other, but not for each other.

From Galatians 6:2,5, "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." and "...for each one should carry his own load." The burden is a great big, nearly crushing weight that needs to be helped with, while a load is the daily weight of responsibilities that we should be responsible for. Compare a financial or health crisis with the a bad moods. A husband/wife is responsible to assist their spouse in dealing with an overwhelming burden, but should not try to make the other happy everyday.

Law #3: The Law of Power
I can not change others, I can barely change myself, but I can influence others.

The fruit of the Spirit is self-control, not other control (Galatians 5:23). God himself does not exercise such power over us, even though he could (2 Peter 3:9). Realistically we all do things we hate (Romans 7) and we all need to take the plank out of our own eye, then assist the other their speck (Matthew 7). No spouse is perfect, every spouse contributes to the problems in their marriage. However, we can influence one another for good. When one takes the plank out of their own eye through confession, repentance, and seeking empathy, that one is changing the dance of marriage. In changing how one partner dances, the partnership of the dance will change, their partner's dance steps will change. This can bring about a strong resistance, but if one is committed to God and willing to face the difficulties of changing the dance, then in the long run the dance can be increasingly beautiful, romantic, and honoring to God.

Prayer
Thank you Lord for Jaime! She has been a real blessing to me. We have learned so much about ourselves, personally and as a couple. We are thankful for your promptings to read, study, and pray together. God please keep us continually drawing closer to you and one another. Gives us hearts for service to the world around us and give us time and abilities to match!

Elevator, TED, Laughter

Yesterday
We were in the elevator, when I realized I forgot a piece of paper we needed to go to the phone store. We are needing to add long distance calling and use our phones throughout China. When we first got our phones we didn't want to spend more time in the store or spend more money. We just wanted phones that worked. Well, we went to Hubei for Christmas and the phones stopped working as soon as we left Beijing. Back to the elevator, the funniest thing happened. I had seen one of the elevator workers punch the wrong number and to fix it they punched all the numbers between the wrong floor and the right floor. Then all the numbers went from being light to not light. Well, I tried it, only to find that we stopped at every floor on the way down. That was when I decided not to go back to the apartment. We laughed the entire way down. The doors on the elevator opened at every floor and we laughed continuously!

Then we went to the gym. I did 10 minutes on the elliptical and 20 on the bike - mostly because I was watching a TED Talks podcast. So I decided every time I go to the gym I will be watching a TED Talks podcast while using the cardio equipment!

The Daily Bible - Genesis 15-17
Ishmael is born to Hagar and Abram, but this is not the son of promise. Ishmael will become a wild donkey of a man, as will his descendants.

Abram becomes Abraham, Sarai becomes Sarah as God shows his plan of blessing them through Isaac, the son soon to be born to Abraham as he is 100 yrs. old and Sarah as she is 90 yrs. old.

Circumcision is the covenantal signature this time.

Boundaries in Marriage - ch. 2 Applying the Ten Laws of Boundaries to Marriage
The laws are like gravity, they are always there. You can deny them, but they are still at work.

Law #1: The Law of Sowing and Reaping
A person should reap what they sow.

Playing an Not Paying
Sometimes people rescue others from their moods, but this shouldn't be. If a person is moody, angry, pouting, or otherwise in a bad mood it is not the spouses job to cheer the person up. One should pay for what the other is doing.

Consequences Grow Spouses Up
The problem must stay with the person. The person with the problem must deal with it, own it, and work through it, or else the individual will remain immature.

Relational and Functional Reaping
Relational - emotional bondage is one example - a wife demands her husband's attention at all times. He can never do his own thing. She sows self-centeredness and bondage, and he reaps resentment, guilt, and a lose of freedom.
Functional - careless housekeeping - a wife may sow careless housekeeping, while the husband reaps discomfort and embarrassment when inviting guests over (In our home, I do the floors and have embarrassed myself on occasion.)

The one who has the problem must face the effects of the problem. This is done by speaking up about the areas needing attention, setting limits, and not bailing out the individual.

Prayer
Lord thank you for laughter. Help me to always laugh at my mistakes and even the struggles and challenges in life. Allow us all to find humor where others turn to anger, give us resilient spirits that are open to your discipline and therefore receive your blessing!

Identifying Self

Yesterday
Worked on getting some items ready to sell. I want to get rid of as much stuff as possible, first to clean out my closets, second to gather some cash for an iPhone. I really like the idea of having all my stuff in one device instead of the three I now use. I have a PDA for studying Chinese with Pleco software, a phone, and my iPod. I really enjoy using my iPod for learning... I have some wonderful podcasts from iTunes; TED Talks, NPR things, Bible teaching, science, psychology, history, and so much more.

We had worship last night, because Sunday was a working day due to the New Year's holiday. Afterward we agreed to hire one of the brothers as a part-time minister. He will continue serving the church, but now with a more dedicated focus. He has been considering getting a job, which would have drawn him away from his areas of giftedness in ministry. He will be supported by the local believers and will be a great asset to the family here!


The Daily Bible - Genesis 12-14
Abram is called and blessed by God. Abram goes to Egypt because of the famine, but lacks faith that God will provide and protect him and his wife Sarai, so he lies. The diseases caused among Pharoah's family could have simply come from the fact that Abram was a shepherd and the Egyptian Pharoah's family was not, however it happened it was ordained by God to remove Sarai and bless Abram. Then Lot and Abram separate. There is a battle among kings which brings about Lot being captured... why don't the people of Sodom and Gomorrah recognize the God of Abram as their deliverer? Why didn't they turn from their sinful behaviors and be thankful?


Boundaries in Marriage - What's a Boundary, Anyway?
The following are all examples of boundaries:

• Truth - One must speak the truth or else there are two lives being lived; the outside false identity creating a painful and unloving reality and the inside truth of personal lack of boundaries.
• Consequences - Sometimes, well, often words are not enough. One must be sure to follow up words with actions. Words: I will not receive such hurtful words from you. Actions: I will now leave the room.
• Emotional Distance -If necessary one must establish an emotional divide for a time to protect oneself, especially in harmful situations. Addictions, abuse, and other such negative levels merit some emotional separation. "I love you, but won't be close to you until you get help for your problem."
  
• Physical Distance - When emotional distance isn't enough, there are reasons to separate for a time. Removing oneself from a verbal or physical fight is a short duration. Rehab for an addiction is one example of a longer duration.
  
• Other People - Sometimes people need help getting a backbone of their own. They need other people to help them such as counselors, therapists, members of the family or church, ministers, elders, etc. They can help through education, intervention, and training in how to handle situations properly.
  
• Time - When trust has been broken, time is required to develop trust again. Or sometimes it is meant as a limit to how long the conversation which leads to fights will last. One hour for dealing with the budget each week, one season for really working on certain goals.
  

Stephanie, a person from the book, is an example of working on boundaries within relationship, because boundaries are meant for relationships. Running away is not setting boundaries. Fences between neighbors help neighbors get along, while miles of pavement, mountains, and oceans are examples of fleeing relationship.

Personal note: Jaime and I are reading a book called, I Married You, Not Your Family. Part of this book deals with recognizing the need for establishing a good self identity before marriage, and if necessary within marriage. The ideas in Boundaries in Marriage also have this same mentality, the books kind of blend together in this regard.

If families are healthy, balanced, and nurturing development in the children, then college can be a place to further develop one's self identity. However, many families are not so healthy. I think that many young people would do well to have a few years away from family to develop their sense of self. In fact, college should give some sense of this, but in American culture it is often a time of partying. Christian colleges are too much like parents at times, so the sense of self isn't as completely formed. Each person is different... but I have found reading many books on relationships, developing character, and understanding life in general have really helped me to recognize who I am. Of course, my text book for life is the Bible, beyond the Bible there are many more I would highly recommend, and most of these are on Facebook's weRead.


Prayer
Thank you God for all your blessings. I have learned so much from Your Holy Word and Your Holy People. Thank you even for the difficulties in my life that have blessed me with the ability to develop boundaries, understanding of life, character, and so much more faith in you. Give me a greater understanding of myself, so that I can bless others with Your blessings without getting in the way.

Freedom, Responsibility, Love

Yesterday
We cleaned the apartment, washing all the floors, organizing closets, putting everything in its place. We then went to a going away party for Joanna Carlson for a few hours, talking with a variety of people. There was a lady involved in animal rescue. She volunteers at a shelter with 600 animals. She doesn't mind people eating dogs or cats or whatever, but has trouble with how they abuse them while they are alive and how they beat them to death to "tenderize" the meat.

We then went to the foreign language bookstore in Wangfujing. We found the classics section again and picked up a few books. They are cheaply printed and cost only about $2!

On our way home from Wangfujing, we Met Kai on the subway. He came to our Christmas Party, works with Jane Zhang (dentist) and is from Taiwan. He is going home for Spring Festival and will return with his Bible and come to our meetings.

The Daily Bible - Genesis 10-11
This is the listing of Noah's descendants and how they spread out over the world. This explains how all the different nations, languages, and cultures developed from one family of 8 people. It also gives the understanding of how closely connected Adam and Abraham were. They were only separated by about 2000 years, and the links are very close. Adam lived while Methuselah was alive; Methuselah was around until the year of the flood therefore living during a good part of Shem's pre-flood life; then Shem was living until 25 years before Abraham was born. So, they could easily have passed on the knowledge from the early days in the Garden of Eden with a fact checker along the way.

Boundaries in Marriage - What's a Boundary, Anyway?
The Triangle of Boundaries
Freedom - Responsibility - Love; when these three are properly understood and maintained a relationship can flourish and grow very deep.

Protection
One must protect their own heart, mind, and soul from the "bad guys" of the world. This is why locks, doors, and walls are available in homes and hearts. We are to guard our heart!

Self-Control
Not to tell others what they will and won't do, but to say what we will and what do.

Examples of Boundaries
Fences, doors, windows, locks, security alarms, moats, draw bridges, alligators, and on the list could go.

Words
No.
I will not do that.
I will not think that.
I do not permit such behavior in my life.
I will do that.
I can think about that.
Yes!
I must tell others what my boundaries are. I cannot tell them what their boundaries are. I define my realm, my existence. I take control over my actions, attitudes, thoughts, and desires and allow others to understand how I am in control of my life ( - and God is in control of me - with loving words that glorify God).

Prayer
Dear Lord, thank you for being so fabulous. Thank you for loving us enough to teach us to become fully functioning adults with love at the center of our training. May we love you and honor you with all of our lives. Give us strength to be self-disciplined and ultimately Spirit-disciplined. Grant us your continued blessings so that we can bless others. Thank you for the life of Jesus. Give us more faith, more love, and more hope. Help us to know you believe in us and want us to be your blessing to the world.

Vegetarian, Freedom, Thankfulness

Yesterday
I went to the gym for the first time in a month! I have been wanting to go, but convinced myself it was too crowded after 9am. Jaime went with me and it wasn't nearly so bad. Then we went to Sizzler for dinner! The salad bar is unlimited and comes with every meal... I love Sizzler. Why didn't we go there sooner? It could be that we were already happy with Subway and The Pizza Co. and that the American Sizzler isn't near as clean and nice.

The Daily Bible - Genesis 6-9
God gets sick of the people being so totally wicked and destroys all but Noah and his sons and their wives. Then God promises to never destroy the earth in this way again.

I like the part were God says to all the people of the world - that is 8 people (amazing how the Chinese characters are so connected to these early stories) - you can eat meat! I don't really care about eating meat. In fact, I like meat less and less, but we aren't living in the Garden of Eden where all the vitamins and minerals were so perfect and readily available through the plant sources.

Boundaries in Marriage - Ownership, Responsibility, Freedom
The chapter, "What's a Boundary, Anyway?" continues... mentioning the issues with Adam & Eve pushing the responsibility onto the other person and the snake. (Ultimately they are pushing the responsibility onto God, "The woman you gave me" and "the snake (that you created)" are making God out to be the bad guy.)

The authors (and God) call us to responsibility or ownership of our feelings, attitudes, behaviors, choices, limits, desires, thoughts, values, talents, and love (probably a few other things too).

They also remind us not to be enslaved to our spouse, other people, or anyone or anything because we have been set free in Christ! Galatians 5:1, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." We may be covenantally connected, but that doesn't make us slaves!

Prayer
God thank you for being my God. Thank you for today! Thank you for all the blessings I have in my life, especially my freedom. Everyone in the world has personal freedom, the ability to choose, yet not all can use it to the fullest. Thank you Lord for my wife and our families. Help us to build closer relationships to you and others. Give us hearts for service, full us with your love and patience. Help us to be more holy and healthy, give us greater self-discipline in every area so that we can be more effective servants. Thank you most of all for Jesus! He has given us love, joy, forgiveness and freedom beyond measure.

Boundaries Show Ownership

Yesterday
On January 1, Jaime and I went to have our first massage in Beijing (and our first massage of the new year). Bodhi Sense has a very relaxing environment, walking up the stairs there is a cascading water fall to the left on a sunken set of stair steps. The lights are all dimmed. The music is soothing. The massages were also very nice. This was our Christmas present to one another. We got Chinese massages (no oil, clothes on), they were the cheapest. We wanted to try out the place before we bought into a package deal. They have memberships, that have deep discounts, but really the prices go up and up. Then we walked over to Bite-a-Pitta for dinner. I'm going to have to start ordering something other than the Falafel and Hummus Sandwhich.

The Daily Bible - Genesis 4-5
The descendants of Seth and Cain show how children can follow their father's faith or lack thereof. Thus how important it is to have godly character and instill this character in the succeeding generations as early as possible to ensure godliness thrives throughout the world.

Boundaries in Marriage - Chapter 1, What's a Boundary, Anyway?
Ownership... A person must own their feelings. One must know who they are, how they feel, and be responsible for their actions and feelings.

This reminds me of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. God comes asking what happened to them, "Why are you hiding?" and Adam responds, it is the woman that you gave me, she made me do this. Eve responded, the snake made me do it. If they were honest, recognizing their own sin, they could fess up and say, "I did it. I wanted to eat the fruit because I wanted to be like you God."

Taking ownership of one's actions, reactions, thoughts, and feelings requires an increasing level maturity. To grow beyond years into a true mature adult, requires ownership of every personal trait whether good or bad. One must accept that, "I am responsible to make the changes I want to see in myself, in others, and in the world. I cannot blame others for what I myself have not been willing to do. While I cannot control others, I can control myself. In controlling myself, I can influence others to become all that God wants them to be. If I do not control myself, then I should expect that my influence on others will be negative."

Prayer
Father God, merciful Savior, gracious Lord, You alone are able to empower us to find your Spirit to truly have self control. I pray that You continue to grow your Spirit's power in me, those around me, and in this world. I pray that Your Holy Spirit will transform this world into Your Kingdom. May I submit to your authority, commanding my spirit to be in line with Your Spirit, so that Your abundant blessings will be available for me to bless others. Thank you for Jesus' sacrifice that allows me to talk directly with You, to receive your blessings, and to share Your mercy with others.

Happy New Year!

Last Year & The New Year
Bye bye 2008! Welcome t0 2009!
Last year saw God greatly at work in our life. We have been blessed with:
1. a deeper love and appreciation for God and one another
2. a sponsoring congregation that is generous, loving, and very globally focused
3. a home in Beijing complete with a great ministry team, wonderful church family, and a bunch of good Chinese teachers at our school
4. more personal discipline in reading, praying, and studying God's Word
5. increasing understanding of our families' relationship to us and one another.

This year we are praying God continues to bless us in all these ways and more, so that we can continue to bless others with His abundant love!

Yesterday
We went to our Chinese classes, ate at home for breakfast and lunch, then went to the restaurant where we have worship for our New Year's Eve Party. We didn't stay, we were falling asleep at 9pm, still tired from our travels to Shiyan. We met with people nearly all day every day in Shiyan. The emotions, energy, and spiritual connections and disconnections were incredible. We came home from the party and went directly to bed at no later than 10:30pm. I didn't wake up until 7:40am. That is the longest I have slept since I was sick and slept for a few days.

The Daily Bible - Genesis 1-3
I am now beginning The Daily Bible - F. LaGard Smith's work on a guided chronological reading of the Word of God. I have read through this at least once before, with a few other attempts in between.

I am amazed at how everything came together at the beginning of time. God spoke and there it was, the world. I can't believe that so many people don't want to believe that an all powerful God can speak this world into existence, but instead they want God to be required to use millions and billions of years. There are of course arguments for both sides, I have read and heard many. The difficulties with evolution are overwhelming, while the difficulty with God speaking the world into being are also present, it boils down to faith. Believing God is real, true, and so is His Word, changes so much in this argument... yet there are many Christians buying into the evolutionary model. I highly recommend these online resources.

This is my journal, a place for personal accountability, and a tool for witnessing to others. I am always open to telling others about the blessings I have received.

Boundaries in Marriage
Jaime read this book in 2008 or 2007. I skimmed it, read a 1/4 of it, but got interrupted. So now, I'll have another go and record my impressions here. I do enjoy the material and the challenge to always improve my relationships, especially our marital relationship. The rewards definitely compensate and outweigh the work we put in. I love synchronicity and synergism.

Prayer
Thank you God for the blessings of this past year! Grant us your continued favor in 2009, let us lift you up to the people of China and the world as we enjoy growing in our friendship and partnership with you!